Depressed? PMS?

Sigh... feeling down and umhappy...
i just dont know why sometimes too ...
you just like... sometimes take things for granted????
sigh... i just dont know...

oh ya...
suddenly come to very hate that grandma...
sigh.... i do so much ...
but yet... she treat me as tho as i am still an outsider...
sigh... indeed i am lar... so wad to do... dont care so much bah....
ugh... hate her....!!!!!!!

sigh....
2 more week then goin back to KL
after that
it is back to like last time... separated by the seas.... sigh...
but luckily.... nt so long.... but then again.... sigh...
worried she will fall for some1 else...
or mayb her heart is already somewhere else???
dont know... not gonna think about it so much either....

focus on my surprise plan.... that is the main thing bah... hope she will like it lar...

it's time to learn to let go ... and let things flow as it goes...
just shut up....

SIMPLE right? =)

Emo =(

I'd wish you would never give up, never give in to ur mum no matter how harsh her words are

indeed,
i dont really like her style.... her mind is all about money... and she is sinful
her words... dont have to say, yeah... i hate her very much...
she thinks she's all that... but when it comes to the time... she will be proved is is NOTHING

she claims to be a Christian, but sometimes, i feel that it becomes a refuge for her to feel NOT guilty about her wrong doings...
she has done many things that are against God's word... mayb she dont realise?
well i  am not sure... i really cant help to alter her thoughts much...  deeply in my heart... i know the lord in guiding me every step i take... Yes, He always will be... he has his plans... mayb he sent me here to help change m
suk ing's mum... but.... is it really within my power to change her?

maybe i am really kinda stressed out with all the exams and wadsoever
yeah... i am....

last nite i was very dissappointed when you said you would bother to fight for if ur mum insist that you dont study anymore... i was really very very very very very very disappointed....
I did so much and i hope that you would do ur part .... just to secure urself a future... not for me.... i do so much for u ... but have i really ever ask much in return?
sigh....

i dont ask u to go against ur mum for no reason... it is ur education
not play
it's ur future.... but if u are happy enough to give in... so be it... i cant help either... and please be happy to listen to ur mum's commands... be a maid... marry a rich guy... and be happy... and let ur mum receive loads from ur hubby every month... then ur mum will be the happiest person in the world... and u'll might just be the most pathetic person in the world...
but bare in mind... when u decide to listen to ur mum's commands... i will leave u... coz u have wasted my every effort on u... and i cannot continue to ... because i have my duties to my life and my family....
yet, i will still love u deeply... but i will not stand with disappointment...
i will leave, i will run.....

i am a coward...

sigh

okay, my mind is full of....
haha... i'm planning something for next year's valentine...
hehe...

but deep inside my heart i am yet so afraid that i will see things that i dont wish to happen... sigh

urn 1st love letter to me

如果我总缠着你..请不要说我不乖..请不要对我生气..因为我真的很珍惜和你的每分每秒..哪怕明明相隔两地`哪怕只是在电话中相聚..因为在乎每一次小小意义上的分离..如果我不会总缠着你，请不要以为我舍得和你说再见了..你不懂我那一瞬间的失落，是多么想伸出手去抓住你！你要明白正是为了爱，才悄悄的收起对你的依赖..
也许有一天我们都会埋怨..
也许有一天我们都会犯错..
也许有一天我们都会忽视今天的诺言..
也许有一天我们也会吵架..
...
我们来做个约定好吗??..
约好即使吵架也不可以不接听彼此的电话..
约好即使吵架也不可以不好好照顾自己..
约好即使吵架也不可以轻易说分手..
约好即使吵架也不可以伤害自己..
约好即使吵架也不可以错过了...
约好，吵架的时候告诉自己：错误是短暂的，错过却是永远遗憾的...
爱情`有时候很脆弱..脆弱到容不下一点点沙..爱情`有时候很顽强..顽强到什么也分不开相爱的人..

如果有一天，我们不在任性的不理会一切..
如果有一天，我们不在要求时时都粘在一起..
如果有一天，我们不在傻傻的看着对方微笑..
如果有一天，我们不在不理会柴米油盐..
如果有一天，我们不在是任性的两个小孩..
如果有一天，我们习惯了彼此埋怨...
请不要说“分手吧，祝你快乐！”
因为这一天更应该说 “我们结婚吧，让我照顾你一辈子” ♥

Sensitive

Last night's issue really wasnt a fun issue...
makes me think about all the times when u were sensitive to wad i did...
u were pissed off... but i always try to make up for it...

but why is it when i am a bit sensitive to things... u cant bare with it for a while ???
sigh...

keep saying that i am XIAO QI
wad about u??? u are the same at times wad...
i bare with things...
so many things i bare with u... i give u the space... i push back my things just to fulfill u..
things i dont really like... i just overlook it... and some even learn to like it cz of u..
do u really realise???

sigh...
last nite, mayb i am at fault... but i really wanted to listen to the song..
the least you could do is care to tell me u are tired bah...
just close up everything like this...
when i am tired i also try to wait for u... even when u wanna play games..
no matter how tired i will also try to help u scratch ... i will alwyas try to stay up to make sure u are sleeping soundly before i sleep...
sigh... dont think u ever realised either...

sigh....
then just now.. come out from toilet straight away go talk to adeline... totally ignored my existance...
how would i feel???
have u ever thought about it??? have i ever done that to u??? ask urself???
sigh...
mayb only once when i was on the phone on serious matters
then u came and disturb... i got a bit pissed off.. that's all...

talking about it...
yea... i hate her smile ... i hate her very very very much... and i mean it...
u smile happily everytime u c her... YEA u REALLY DO...
mayb she is the right one...
i hate the look when she looks at me... as if i am the one in between u and her...
like wadever... i dont really wanna know wad is happening..

mayb things are all better when out of sight out of mind...
sigh...

totally depressed....
where's my mask????

Selfish

sometimes... i just dont know why...
but the feeling that u are being kinda selfish comes into my mind...

times when u have to wait for me to finish classes
i could c the look on ur face... i  feel u from ur sms-es

times when u want me to be by u
but i have my things to do...
can you sometimes realise i am am short on time also? sigh... mayb  you just dont...

and things you do.... all for yourself...

just dont know why... maybe i am being emo ...

and sometimes... i just feel like saying i am you girlfriend not your toy... or maid...
i have my things to attend to also... pls be considerate ...

sigh...

All Mixed Up

Up to this very moment, we have been 2gether for 2 yrs and 13 days
really not a short period of time I can say...
the longest relationship till now...

from being very far away from each other
to me deciding to take the step to move over to study here
initially, we were separated by the place i am stayin ... which is in hostel... except weekends...
then there is the issue of my hostel room
then after one more sem of suffering in there... i moved to live in with u...
come to think of it... it is rather fast from being so far then so close...

maybe it is because i cannot bare seeing u always constantly chatting with others..
maybe it's because my jealousy is stronger than others
maybe it's because i am just SO NOT confident with myself...

and i start thinking if only i am better...

if only i could have the will power to change the things i wan to change so hard....

I got jealous when u were working with her

I got jealous when you told me she was thin and beautiful

I got jealous when u time was occupied on somewhere else

I got jealous when u kept talking about her 

I got jealous when u were always with her.. and u would look for her when i am not beside u... and even times when i 'm beside u

I got jealous when u told her the 3 words tat i find it has to come out of sincerity

I got jealous when you had to always think about involving her in everything we do

I got jealous when you agreed to bring her go for that event

I got jealous when you kept meeting her in class

I got jealous when you minded so much about her

I got jealous when you told me that she is cute and beautiful

I got jealous when you kept looking for her altho she seldom looks for u

I got jealous when you always asked me to leave when she comes

I got jealous when you decided not to do class work with her

I got jealous when you read and laugh on the thing she posted on your wall and i couldnt c a thing

I got jealous when you chatted almost everyday with the same person for a period of time

I got jealous when you only concentrated on ur chats and ignored me

I got jealous when you suddenly told me you when to find her 

I got jealous when you kept viewing the same girl's profile over and over again

I got jealous when you kept looking for the same girl over and over again

I got jealous when you kept sms with the same person and deleted all your messages so I cant c a thing 

I got jealous when you laughed from you heart but the person who made you laugh wasnt me

I got jealous when you chatted with her like there is no end

I got jealous when you only bothered talking to her and forgotten about me

I got jealous when you smiled at her sweetly

...

I got jealous..................................... I got disappointed 

cant I be less jealous?
or is this natural reaction?
I just dont know... I am worried that one day you will slip away
i try so hard to grip om to ur love...
but i am scared you will be irritated ... and will love me less in turn..
I really love you...